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The Payback

By Chuck Semenuk

 Randy watched in awe as Fire-Rescue arrived and the well trained team began the task of attending to the occupants of a badly wrecked automobile.  The vehicle reminded him of a ball of wrinkled foil, crushed and thrown away.  Randy was startled as he recognized the woman being carefully removed from the carnage.  It was his wife Shirley.

“What was she doing in that car?” he wondered.

While paramedics moved her to a waiting ambulance, the noise from the cutting equipment brought his attention back to the driver.  After much cutting and bending, rescuers were finally able to remove the man from the wreck.  Randy’s jaw dropped as he watched the medics trying to stabilize the man.

“That looks like me!  That’s me!  How can that be?”

Suddenly, visions of the preceding events began the play in front of his eyes.  He was driving down the dark road.  It was raining.  In the darkness it was nearly impossible to see the lane markings and the edges of the road against the shiny black asphalt.  Randy hated driving at night, especially in the rain.

Shirley’s mouth was running non-stop as usual.  Nag, nag, nag.  “Why did I ever marry her?” he thought.

“Slow down.  You’re driving too fast.  I told you not to drink at the party.  You know you shouldn’t drink.  You sure liked it when that young redhead was rubbing her boobs all over you.”

On and on she went.  Finally summing up enough courage, he turned and told her to shut up.

“Lookout you fool!  You’re on the wrong side of the road!”

In that brief moment, Randy had let the car drift left of center.  The driver of the on-coming semi was struggling to control his rig.  Randy tried to swerve back to the right but the wet road wasn’t providing much traction.  The fifty-three foot trailer began to swing in a long arc.  Like a big baseball bat, the rear part of the trailer slammed Randy’s car; a powerful line drive into the field along the road.  Then, Shirley was silent.

Randy felt nauseous as his attention was jerked back to the present.

The young medic looked up at his partner and shook his head.  “We lost him.  He’s gone.”

“I can’t be dead!  I’m right here,” he screamed.  “Look at me.”  No one heard him.

Randy felt himself being propelled into some unknown place.  Alternating light and dark; colors and patterns surrounded him.  Finally, everything stabilized and Randy found himself standing in front of a small bungalow.  “The flower gardens need weeding and the house could use a good coat of paint” thought Randy, “but not a bad little place.”

Randy became aware of someone standing next to him.

“Hello, Randy.”

“Hello.  Where am I?”

“I’m sure you’ve figured out that you didn’t survive the accident.  This is where you’ll be spending eternity.”

“Really?  This doesn’t seem to be a bad place.  Who are you?”

The man smiled warmly.  “I am God.”

Randy was momentarily speechless.

“I never believed in you.  I didn’t expect to meet you after I died.  Are you sure that I’m supposed to be here?”

God laughed.  “Oh yes, Randy.  This is where you belong.  Actually, everyone comes to this place when they die.  Some just get to live in better neighborhoods than others.”

Randy looked around.  “What happened to my wife?”

“She’s in the hospital.  It looks like she may make it.  I have to leave you now, Randy.  I’m sorry we didn’t get to know each other better.”

God turned and began to walk away.

“This is awesome,” thought Randy.  “I can be happy here just tinkering with this old place; not having to hear that damned old shrew running her mouth in my ear.”

Randy relaxed in a lawn chair that was near the house.

Suddenly, the front door of the house flew open and Shirley came strutting out.

“There you are, you lazy bum.  You could have at least cut the grass.  I don’t like the paint color in the living room.  There’s a leaking faucet in the kitchen. Blah, blah, blah, blah……………..”

Randy placed his hands over his ears.

“Lord, help me!” he cried.

God was again standing next to Randy.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“You told me that she was still in the hospital,” said Randy.

“I’m sorry about that.  She took a turn for the worse.”

“Can’t she go somewhere else?”

“Why, she’s your wife, Randy.  Your vows were ‘for better or for worse’, remember?”

“I have to hear her mouth for eternity?  Please help me Lord.”

God looked at Randy sternly.

“In your whole life, you never talked to me, told others about me, or even acknowledged my existence.  Now, you call out my name and ask for my help.  There is a saying on earth that you would have been wise to take to heart.”

“Paybacks are Hell, Randy.  Paybacks are HELL!”

The Lord turned and walked away.

“It’s too late.  Goodbye, Randy.”

The incessant nagging continued.  “Blah, blah, blah…..better neighborhood……fix the gutter……..why did you wreck the car………old fool,,…,blah, blah……..”